Love Bombing 101: Everything You Need To Know

Love Bombing: This is a topic that has recently trended a bit on TikTok and gained some traction with people beginning to talk about and share their experiences being love bombed. A lot of people seem to be confused about what exactly love bombing is and how it shows up in communication and relationships. So we are covering everything you need to know about what love bombing is, why it matters, how to spot it and more.

What is love bombing and why does it matter?

• Love bombing is typically a manipulative tactic that involves over-idealizing someone, typically early into a relationship, combined with over the top language, showy gestures or gifts that are just too much too soon. 
• Love bombing can also be a tactic used longer into a relationship, especially after fights or bad behavior. This is something that narcissistic and abusive partners may do to maintain that roller coaster cycle of abuse. 

What are some red flag behaviors that can accompany love bombing? 

• Rushing things in the relationship. When someone tries to move things along faster than we are ready for it can make us feel uneasy and anxious. They may pressure you or manipulate you into feeling like you have to say yes. 
• Not respecting your boundaries – for instance if you say you don’t feel like hanging out and they pressure you into hanging out anyways or just show up 
• Not listening to you, or listening but then actionably continuing with whatever their agenda is, basically letting you talk but not really considering what you have said in a way that feels like they care. 
• Putting all the focus on you, but not really being open themselves.
• Manipulation in general – this one can be harder to pinpoint while it’s happening, but there is usually a gut instinct that something is off.. Listen to that.

These things are NOT love bombing

• Compliments, for example:
  • Wow, you are beautiful. – Complement. 
  • Wow, you are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever been with and I am so enamored with your beauty. I just feel like I’m in a fairy tale. – Love Bombing. 
• A nice date. A guy taking you out, planning something or even going a little above and beyond to impress you is not love bombing. Lots of extravagant dates early on that make you feel like you owe him might be. 
• Someone being excited about you early into a relationship is not love bombing.  
• Someone giving you a lot of attention or texting you a lot. Is actually pretty normal. 
• A thoughtful gift or gesture, even early on in a relationship is not love bombing. 

Examples of Love Bombing

What sets love bombing apart is that it is over the top and most likely your intuition will feel like something is off. You may feel overwhelmed or rushed or uneasy. 

• Telling you that it feels like you are soul mates very early into a relationship. 
• Saying I love you before really taking the time and effort to get to know you. 
• Saying they miss you and long for you and yearn for you and weird shit like that when you just met. 

Why do people love bomb?

• They might be narcissistic and doing this as a manipulation to hook you and suck you into a narcissistic abuse cycle. 
• Someone with an anxious attachment style might also love bomb out of a fear of abandonment. They might want the relationship to move very quickly in an effort to gain commitment.
• They might feel like they are not enough and love bombing might make you feel like you are falling in love quickly, which gives them a high and help them to temporarily feel better about themselves.

Is it love bombing? Questions to help you

Here are some questions you can ask to help you determine if you are being love-bombed.

• Does what they are saying feel appropriate to how long you have known the person?
  • Are they in love before they know much about you? 
  • Are they future planning before you know each other very well or are even committed? 
• Are their statements grandiose and over the top? 
• Does it make you feel uneasy? 
• Do they respond negatively when you ask to slow things down?
  • If they get upset or agree with you but do not actually change how they are acting this can be a bad sign.